woman

Don’t forget who I am

Don’t forget who I am
with all these changes going on.
Don’t forget I am a daughter
A wife and a mother
A grandmother, a nanna.

A woman!

Don’t forget we fought for these names
we fought for the right to Vote
we fight to sit as women at the table of men.
Each day we fight to have our voices heard.

Don’t forget who I am
when others want to make changes.
While others want to progress their ideas.
I’m not saying that is wrong
I’ll stand up with you and for you
but don’t forget who I am.

Don’t forget who I am
Don’t lose me in the melee
Don’t undermine my importance
Who I stand for. And who I have become.

Don’t assume my ideas are wrong
That I’m fighting against you.
We are equal in respect, and in hope
That each one of us won’t be forgotten
in the war that is equality!

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Animals and birds, Families, history, Home, Inspiration, Laughter, real life, Spirt and soul

36 Steps

13 steps from the street to the house,
13 from the back of the house to the garden,
10 from the garden to the lane at the back.

A treacherous journey between the grey walls of hand hewn rock,
and green moss.
Slipping and sliding over wet slabs of paving.
To the house,
to the garden,
to the lane at the back.

The outside lavvy, a cold and scary place
spiders ready to jump,
just as you settled in for your constitutional.
The cold wet chain hanging from the white porcelain tank.
Daren’t spend too long,
not even ½ pennies worth!

Ivy covered walls to the garden,
The first step too tall for little legs.
The 2nd 3rd and 4th much easier.
Then up to the top –
you felt you had already climbed the mountain!

The sloping garden, no grass
but full of plants and flowers.
A fir tree to climb
and a shed, with a coal hatch never used!
The shallow steps up to the lane.
And freedom.

Blackberries to pick
Floxgloves to wear on fingertips
Chickens to tease,
horses to feed,
paths to climb,
newts to catch,
tadpoles in jars.
And mountains to slide down on trays!

Those were the days of my youth!!!!

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divorce, Families, Family, Inspiration, Laughter, loss, love, marriage, New life, real life, Spirt and soul, women

Life after divorce.

I married relatively young. I was 22 when I married. I was 27 when I divorced.

I had known my husband since I was 19, and during those 8 years of marriage I had settles into a life of friendship and solidarity with those around me. They were mostly his friends. I made my own circle of friends with those I worked with. But we tended to socialised with his friends and their wives.

We went to weddings, saw babies arrive and shared their lives of both joy and sadness.

Then just like that it all disappeared. On 16th October 1987 our marriage was dissolved – as the official paper work says – and on 10th December 1987 that was it. Final. The final piece of paper was issued, and my marriage, and my life as I knew it was ended.

My girl friends who were married to my then ex-husband’s friends all disappeared as if I had never been part of their lives.  It was before the days of technology, if you wanted to meet with someone you rang them from your home phone. When they were home from work. There were no mobiles, no social media.  No easy way of contacting someone. So when I left my relationship – I left the old way of life behind.

Of course you have the wedding photos and holiday snaps in an album to look at. And that was the difficult part, as it was painful reminder of how full my life has been before my divorce. Those women had stood by me through the joys of wedded life and the pain and sorrow of infertility. Then after the separation – the breaking of ties with my past life.

How could I ask my female friends to stand by me, while their husbands stood by my ex. It was an impossible ask, and so they fell away like autumn leaves from a tree. I would not ask for divided loyalties. And they would not have to know the horrors of my final months and the sadness I had to endure.

Then 20 years later, when lives were very different and I had certainly moved on, a face from the past appeared. One of those lovely old friends of time from long ago, someone who had helped me to learn to drive, who sat with me while I drove us around for practice.  She was a friend of my new neighbour, what was the chance of that? As the time has gone on, we have met as a group, and I often talk of my ‘old life’. There is no animosity, only sorrow that things turned out the way they did. And shock that I had gone through my last year as a married woman to her friend in such harrowing circumstances.

And luckily she is still friends with another old friend from the group. And by the help of social media I am in contact with this very dear friend. We attended each other’s wedding all those years ago as young women and helped one another through the tougher times. And the first thing she said to me was ‘I have never forgotten you’. It brought me to tears, for all those lost years and lost laughs and memories.  

I won’t lose these friends again. We can’t catch up on my lost years of friendships – but going forward that friendship has a different feeling.  

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Animals and birds, Families, Family, Food

The highs and lows of a family holiday.

Life is the same isn’t it? Eat sleep repeat.

Broken up by some drinking, and lots of laughter! And a few disasters. The same that happen at home – so the family and individuals know how to respond.

It’s everyone who steps up to the mark and helps when you staying together. Making sure there is food for everyone. And the home is clean and tidy. Supporting the two littlest family members, through the fun times, the tears and tantrums. And yesterday the panic of a asthmatic 5 year old. But she rallied round to play another day!

Today is another adventure! We aren’t thinking of tomorrow….

Spot the mum. Watching cautiously while her offspring wanders off independently.

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Inspiration

Let’s try this porridge again.

It’s foggy, very foggy in fact. If it wasn’t for the ducks, the comfortable pillows and duvets, and the tub of porridge – I could be anywhere. But I’m not! I’m in a hotel looking out over a lake that is there somewhere.

The porridge is a sort of tradition. I try one each time I’m away. It stops me from wanting a huge mug of coffe and a lemon poppy seed cake from the Starbucks across the road. I’m saving myself for more goodies later.

The story of this holiday is a little different. My little family and my father in law are all in the 4 bed chalet – we are in the hotel. There simply wasn’t the room.

So I get to chill till I’m ready to surface while the grandchildren wake early. The clocks have gone back an hour this weekend – so their body clocks are on summer time.

Then the rest of the day is spent enjoying their company.

Apart from today!!! I’m going to the Spa with the girls.

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Inspiration

Exile from social media….what have I missed? Again!!!

https://patc44.wordpress.com/2018/02/24/exile-from-social-media-what-have-i-missed/

I feel like I need to go into social media exile again. I have been good! I’ve deleted pages that I’ve followed that don’t excite me any longer. That I begin to dread as I see them appear. Repetitive things. Video’s. Pages I don’t contribute to.

My problem is FOMO – fear of missing out. But what? What am I missing? Real life I think.

We are having some family time away. I know my children will be on their phones constantly. I say children 25- 30 year olds! But I’m going to have a hiatus for a week….let’s start realistically with 3-4 hours a day. I know I can do it..

As they say – see you on the other side.

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Inspiration

Not a cloud in the sky

You might think this is a usual event, but not for Wales in the middle of September I’m sure!

I’m sitting in the hotel room with the balcony door open and the fresh air pouring in. Not a jumper, cardigan or sweatshirt in sight.

Some people have shorts on.! Now that is madness. But we are in the middle of a golf course so it’s only to be expected.

It’s Monday so there no children around – not that I have anything against them, but when you want peace and quiet that’s the last thing you want.

It’s not just about the amazing food or the lovely surroundings, or the fact you can sit in the bar and watch the world go by. Ok – in fact it is.

But at the minute it’s about the cloudless sky and the sound of the birds.

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Families, Family, Inspiration, love, Motivation, New life, real life, Uncategorized, Whatever

It won’t be too bad will it?

In life we have so many decisions to make. When we are young, they are often insignificant, and won’t have an impact on our future, but as we get older we have to thinks carefully about these life changing choices.

Everything in life is a jigsaw isn’t it? Each part of our life fits together to make one big picture. Ourselves, relationships, work, money and health. Without one part our life isn’t complete.

How do you then make a decision to change one part of it, which will have a big impact on another? And how will you know if you are making the right decision?

My youngest son and his girlfriend both have long commutes to work. 3 hours each day for my son, not quite so long for his girlfriend. He works long hours, and often isn’t home before 8 o’clock, she works shifts often finishing work at 11pm. He now wants to move nearer to his work, and nearer to his girlfriend’s place of work too.  And although the rent will be marginally more, financially they will be better off taking into account travel expenses and other expenses of gyms etc.

The dilemma then is that they will be a distance away then from our loving family, and his friends. They are a doting uncle and aunty, and both have a great relationship with his brother and sister in law. They have movie nights, and princess parties. He is really close to us as parents and his grandfather, and often pops in at least once a week even if it’s for ½ hour, or to watch a football match with his dad. I’ve often gone to the gym with them for a swim and a sauna.

What they will gain on one hand they will lose on the other.

Everyone’s life changes, it very rarely stays the same. Perhaps now is the time to look at quality time and not quantity time?

It will be an opportunity for us to visit them every so often, they won’t be on the other end of the world, its 25 miles away, that is a 1 ½ hr in South London traffic. That’s not so bad?  His friends would love the opportunity to meet in central London for a drink I’m sure? They can stay on weekends for family get together? I know her mum would love the opportunity to stay in London and all the shops?

It won’t be so bad will it – if they decide to move?  

Who am I trying to kid…


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Inspiration, Laughter, Motivation, New life, real life, Uncategorized, Whatever, Writing

Not-so-sunny Bank Holiday

What to do on a not-so-sunny Bank Holiday?

A little bit of gardening I think, lots of weeding to do, all those little weeds that hide in the cracks of the walls, and bricks. Probably cut the grass – hubby will do that, I’ll just help move all the benches around so he can cut under them.

I’ve got a few planters around, that are looking pretty sorry for themselves, need to re fill them with fresh soil and some new plants. Probably Geraniums and Carnations. They are so easy to look after- nothing to do but water them!

I have a beautiful bird feeder that I attach to the patio door. The bravest of brave come and feed from it! Others sit under and wait for the seed to fall to the floor, and they scoop up the seeds, and fly off into the hedge at the back of the garden. I have hidden a coconut fat feeder in the same hedge, and the blue tits who aren’t so brave sit and feed upside-down on the enriched fat with meal worms in. I have a table top bird feeder too, and I put bread and more bird food on the top.

Its a simple garden but its filled with wild life. Squirrels that have made their home in and around the gardens visit to eat the fruit I leave out, apple cores and 1/2 eaten fruit left behind by the grandchildren. Bread- white, wholemeal, granary, artisan – you name it – the pigeons and magpies are there. Picking it up and shaking it from side to side, and watch in confusion as it flies off in all directions. Now this is where all the little sparrows and robins come in handy, they pick up the crumbs off the grass. Its their bite size pieces that they can manage.

Its a great place to sit and watch them all. They aren’t so brave when you sitting in the garden – but I suppose that’s to be expected isn’t it?

We have had a family of robins in the garden for 3 or 4 years now. I think there are three nests the male has, two in our garden – and one next door. You see him flying between then and back to the table or the feeder. He sits on the garden chairs waiting for me to put the food out, and then starts his little routine, bobbing through the hedge and making his way across the grass, gliding to the bottom of the table then up to the feeder, and back into the hedge again. This is the best picture I could get before they flew away.

In the spring we also have a nest of tiny black bees that have taken up residence behind a bricked up chimney. They have made use of the fact there are gaps in the filling, and over the years have made their little perfectly round entrances that they fly in and out of. We aren’t worried about them, they are not harming anyone. They avoid us, as much as we avoid them. Its nice to watch them flying in, legs full of pollen, landing on the tiny ledge, and going into the chimney.

Doesn’t look like there is going to be much of anything else going on, just a bit of bird watching today then?

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