Family, loss, Uncategorized

The Butterfly effect

Welcome to the twilight zone. That time when the birds are just waking up, someone has just got up to go to the toilet, and the thoughts of the day penetrate your half dazed brain. The time when that little baby not ½ mile away has just realised its feed time, and is crying for her mum to come and give her some well-deserved sustenance.

I’m not normally awake at this time of the night – sorry morning, but it’s not surprising taking into consideration all that has happened over the last 24 hours. The story about our little humble family has gone viral. Not only has it been taken up by an American organisation who have published it on one of their web sites, but the main news channel BBC News has got hold of it, and has run the story . The 4th most read article today on line! An amazing fund raising idea that came out of a story of heartbreak and loss, has been taken up and is now being used as something to create awareness. Check out the article following this link –

The Butterfly Effect

All sorts of organisations, and support networks have taken up the batten. So many families, mums dads, grandparents don’t know the words to say not just to others they come in contact with – but often their own family and friends, when they suffer such a loss. From a still birth, or loss of one baby in a multiple birth. It’s hard to hold on to the fact that often you want to celebrate new life while having to grieve, and say goodbye. Often without warning.

As a parent you go through the process with the support of medical professionals at every step of the way. You’re prepared as much as you can be, with medical explanations, and practical support. But those who stand on the periphery, the grandparents and close family are not always party to this knowledge and help. We are often left floundering on how to say things, how to offer support and sympathy, but at the same feeling inside the quiet excitement at the upcoming event, sad as you know it will be.

And then of course the idea came when a well-meaning new parent who without knowing the situation, made some polite conversation in the neo natal unit that brought tears and sadness to this mum who has suffered a great loss. That must have been the moment that broke her heart, and made the situation so much more real. Of course the neo natal unit is great at making sure as a visitor you aren’t party to confidential information spoken by health professionals about their young charges, they ask you to put headphones on when you visit. But they aren’t so good at sharing some other information. That is where this practical idea was ‘born’. A simple sticker on the cot to tell everyone that this is the surviving baby of multiple births. No one has to explain anything – everyone can see straight away. And even though it’s not there to dampen your enthusiasm at your new baby – it makes you aware that some sensitivity is needed.

It’s not going to stop there, hopefully the fundraising will go on to make the lives of those in just this situation a little more bearable. More private rooms, a place to retire to and not have to see the joy of others through your sadness. And support and counselling. Something to help in your darkest hours.

Brilliant ideas are born from often difficult situations. This is one of those. It’s not just about the simple sticker, but the awareness that this subject has brought to families.


‘When life just gets shitter’

I have an avid following within my work place. They like my posts about my family, my little granddaughters and their struggles. I think they find it funny when I blog about my self – opening up my private world of fasting, feasting then fasting again, or I loosely like to call it dieting! They tell me that you love reading about what I’ve up to…so I asked the lovely Selina what she would like me to write about this weekend, I would dedicate this blog to her. That is why I’m writing about when life just gets shitter.

Without giving too much personal information away I  think from her perspective, the idea of life getting shitter is when a large hog roast fit for a royal party of 150 people getting snuffled up by 130 greedy guzzlers, leaving 20 people rooting around in the left overs. Just saying! Or that a new party dress for her little princess gets mucky with ice cream the minute she hits the party dance floor, and then finds its dry clean only. Only little girls hey!

I was thinking about the last pair of tights with holes in, the broken nail just before going out. The car running out of windscreen washer on a long journey, or worse yet – petrol. Not having enough money for the toll, or forgetting to pay for your parking somewhere and having a  £50 fine! The things of nightmares.

But I’m going to dedicate this to something much simpler, and today for me a lot more pertinent.  Both my lap tops, and my phone have run out of battery. How shallow I hear you say. The bigger picture should be war, pestilence, famine, football hooligans running amok.  Of course it is, and I wouldn’t ever say otherwise. Things bother me like this, but today my main problems is that everything I use to make my life easier, simpler and that I rely on – have let me down – big time.  I’m now tied to the house for the next hour while my phone gets enough charge so I can go out in the knowledge that should I be called up by the secret service to protect my country – I’ll be on the end of the phone and ready. My work lap top has run out of charge, on the day I decide I’m going to finally start the project I should have done 5 weeks ago, with only a few weeks left to write 8000 words, plus 4 lots of home work. And my own personal. bright blue, all singing all dancing lap top has been pinging saying its very low on battery – just as I decide to go on face book and see what is happening out in the wide world!

Life couldnt get shitter..