Families, Family, Inspiration, loss, love, mental health, New life, real life, social media, Spirt and soul, Uncategorized, Whatever, women

My life

Looking back on the story of my life, I see a time punctuated with love and laughter, with sadness and joy.

From the poor childhood filled with green and grey memories, the grass and the slate, the rain and the rain!
A life filled with loneliness and rituals.
Sickness and long corridors. Crying and sadness.

Lifelong friendships made on bus journeys, new experiences, and places.
Others lifestyles, and others laughter.
Finding love and loosing love, finding it again – only for it to drift away as young lust does.

A change of life, a change of culture, change of pace and language.
A change of love, a father figure who was anything but an ideal role model,
and thankfully never a father.

Memories left behind, together with the bruises and what little hope there was of happiness.
Anger and rage, rules and rebukes.

A knight in shining armour, a prince who had shared my memories before.
He who gave me back my hope and love, unconditional and everlasting love!
And in return I gave bricks and mortar and sunny times.

A time of sadness, a time of loss again and again.
The ones who loved me in a sea of others, stolen away without saying goodbye.
Without being able to share my hopes and telling that better life story I’d planned with my prince.

Stolen love and kisses at 1am gave milky smiles, not once but twice.
Tiny hands clutching at hair and sleepy eyes, and the smell only new born have.
Blue and blue double trouble!

Lasting memories of A&E and adventurous toddlers.
Nuts and bolts, falling off logs and stitches, diving for alligators, snails, M&M’s and runny noses.
Each word conjuring up a memory of boys and daily life in the household! Words when said, run like a film clip in my mind of those events.

Chaos and bike chains, swimming lesson, dirty football boots.
Discovering difficulties and challenges, jam and pizza.
Mundane and regular.

Summer holidays with kites, camping and caravans.
Rain and sun cream all rolled into one. Lasting friendships made – for 10 days.
Dancing and slush puppies.
Family holidays under the dome, ducks and deer, silently watching the apples and the bread through the glass of a cosy warm chalet.

 

A time of horror.
Of long train and bus journeys, of sadness and pain.
Innocence gone in the blink of an eye. Scars carried like armour, making him strong, but still so very innocent.

Driving and cars. One, two, eight or is it nine?
Young love, innocent and gentle. Shared beliefs and dreams.
Counting the years, counting the homes and now counting the babies.

A time of joy. Of long train and car journeys, of happiness and new experiences.
Hard work, and new technology.
Missing the long and lean boy sleeping on the sofa, mixing with the rich and elite, a new life experiences, built on hard work.

And now in the autumn of my life, I look back on this colourful patchwork of events. Some with sadness, most with joy.
Each nugget of memory lodged in my heart to bring out in conversation with family and friends.
Not too dissimilar from other’s lives, but my memories never the less.
Each day, each year, each smile, each tear punctuating hours and years.

It’s not over yet, more memories to have I plan and hope.
More holidays, more sun, less of something.
Lets see!

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Family, loss, Uncategorized

The Butterfly effect

Welcome to the twilight zone. That time when the birds are just waking up, someone has just got up to go to the toilet, and the thoughts of the day penetrate your half dazed brain. The time when that little baby not ½ mile away has just realised its feed time, and is crying for her mum to come and give her some well-deserved sustenance.

I’m not normally awake at this time of the night – sorry morning, but it’s not surprising taking into consideration all that has happened over the last 24 hours. The story about our little humble family has gone viral. Not only has it been taken up by an American organisation who have published it on one of their web sites, but the main news channel BBC News has got hold of it, and has run the story . The 4th most read article today on line! An amazing fund raising idea that came out of a story of heartbreak and loss, has been taken up and is now being used as something to create awareness. Check out the article following this link –

The Butterfly Effect

All sorts of organisations, and support networks have taken up the batten. So many families, mums dads, grandparents don’t know the words to say not just to others they come in contact with – but often their own family and friends, when they suffer such a loss. From a still birth, or loss of one baby in a multiple birth. It’s hard to hold on to the fact that often you want to celebrate new life while having to grieve, and say goodbye. Often without warning.

As a parent you go through the process with the support of medical professionals at every step of the way. You’re prepared as much as you can be, with medical explanations, and practical support. But those who stand on the periphery, the grandparents and close family are not always party to this knowledge and help. We are often left floundering on how to say things, how to offer support and sympathy, but at the same feeling inside the quiet excitement at the upcoming event, sad as you know it will be.

And then of course the idea came when a well-meaning new parent who without knowing the situation, made some polite conversation in the neo natal unit that brought tears and sadness to this mum who has suffered a great loss. That must have been the moment that broke her heart, and made the situation so much more real. Of course the neo natal unit is great at making sure as a visitor you aren’t party to confidential information spoken by health professionals about their young charges, they ask you to put headphones on when you visit. But they aren’t so good at sharing some other information. That is where this practical idea was ‘born’. A simple sticker on the cot to tell everyone that this is the surviving baby of multiple births. No one has to explain anything – everyone can see straight away. And even though it’s not there to dampen your enthusiasm at your new baby – it makes you aware that some sensitivity is needed.

It’s not going to stop there, hopefully the fundraising will go on to make the lives of those in just this situation a little more bearable. More private rooms, a place to retire to and not have to see the joy of others through your sadness. And support and counselling. Something to help in your darkest hours.

Brilliant ideas are born from often difficult situations. This is one of those. It’s not just about the simple sticker, but the awareness that this subject has brought to families.

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Family, loss, real life, Uncategorized

I’ve lost my best friend.

He was old, 15 dog years. So thats about 90 human years. He was a collie cross spaniel. Black and white.

He hadn’t been able to go up the stairs without a hand for about 2 years, up onto the sofa about 3 weeks. And the final straw – raise himself off his bed for about 3 days.

I’m going to miss him so very much, miss his wet nose, his barking to come in from the garden. His hair in my tea and butter, and on my black trousers!

Goodbye old friend, you will feel the wind in your hair and make your ears flap. You wont feel the pain or discomfort. I’ll remember the feel of your tongue on my hand, and the look of unconditional love in your eyes.

Goodbye old friend. Till we meet again.

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