I often hear myself asking why someone hasn’t done something, asked for help, shared good news, offered help.
I don’t say these things out loud – I keep them swirling round in my head for hours, days, or even weeks. Actually, there is something I’ve held onto for years, 6 1/2 years to be precise.
Then when I actually take the time to reflect on these things – most of them turn out OK. Not all of them!
Am I too selfish to be included in the lives of those I love? Or should I step back and watch from the side lines?
I often get told ‘you should have asked!’. But when I do ask- it’s rejected. Perhaps I’m too needy, too willing. Too greatful to be surrounded by those I love dearly who I want to help.
But if the hand of love isn’t offered, will I be seen as mean and unloving?
I don’t expect an answer. The answer must come from within me, I know.
For me today , the answer is : –
Show your love in as many ways as you can. It may not be reciprocated in the same way – but that’s OK- you have to learn that life lesson.
My son bought 3 tickets to see the stage show of the life of Bob Marley in London. He asked if I wanted to come before he offered them to someone else.
I jumped at the chance. I love live shows. I love the singing, dancing and the storyline.
I took the train to London Waterloo and walked to the Lyric Theatre. London is such a vibrant place at any time of day. Through the day you see workers getting lunch, tourists looking at the sights. The tubes are often full of families, all talking in their own language. You can tell the Italians by their dress sense. But everyone blends in until you hear them talking – that is what sets each nation apart.
But the evening in Theatre Land is a different place to be all together. Smart dress, loud laughter, smiling faces. People are going to do things they love to do, choose to do! The pavements are crowded and you often have to squeeze past them. It’s too dangerous to step off the kerb.
We had a box, 3 of us. My son, his partner and myself. Her dad is Jamaican so the story line holds some poignant history for her paternal family. Something you rarely see in the theatre is people of colour, but this show brought an audience who’s heritage shared the same background of Bob and his bandmaster.
We sang to the tunes, danced to the music, and swayed to the beat. What a show. What a story line. An activist, a strong minded individual, a history steeped in oppression. A firm believer in the rights of his people and a religion of his brethren.
I loved it. The songs were the soundtrack of events that punctuated my youth.
Just waiting for the time now to see Tina Turner. I need my dancing shoes for that one!!
I’m sitting in the hospital waiting for my husband to have a procedure.
It’s a bright and spacious department, with wall lights designed to look like side lamps. Beautiful subtle art work hangs on the walls and the waiting area has some beautiful comfortable chairs.
It doesn’t take away the steady stream of patients coming and going. The gaggle of nurse calling names. The receptionist busy typing, answering the phone and acknowledging that steady stream of people needing help.
It will be over soon, and we can go home. Thankfully.
The V&A museum had an exhibition called DIVA that I went to recently.
Interesting. An insight into celebrities like Madona, Elton John, Maria Carey, Pink and Rihanna. Together with Prince and my favourite Tina Turner.
Those stars – who fought to get to the pinnacle of their success and make a name for themselves.
Females who stood up for the rights of women. Men and women of colour who spoke out about the injustices and inequalities of their fellow humans.
And at the very start – acresses who set the DIVA ball rolling. From the silent screen through to classical films. There was always someone who stood head and shoulders above others’ rhetorically speaking and not physically. Who pushed the boundaries.
It was an amazing exhibition with lots of background information on each exhibit. Beautiful dresses behind glass cases. You could feel the sex appeal and glamour oozing from some, grace and professionalism from others.
I was so impressed I’m excited to see more exhibits.
I know it sounds like we are always away. If only that were true. It’s just that holiday time gives me the free time and the head space to write. And of course, our holidays are never without something happening.
Hubby and I are away with our eldest son and two grandchildren. By the sea, in a caravan. Or a tin can as this week has proven.
We didn’t know there was going to be a storm, with gale force winds, and a spring tide. Which is always high and creates water surges.
Do you get the picture?
The wind was so strong, the Tin Can – sorry – caravan was rocking. And not in a good way!
Not every window was air tight, and the front door was warped so didn’t shut properly.
It was like something out of the Wizard of Oz.
So we go to bed on the first night. Oh yes all that was going on the first day we arrived! And the next morning we find out there had been localised flooding, and the site next to us had been evacuated. People were up to their chests in water, some took refuge on the roof of their vans. They were rescued by fire brigade and the life boat crews.
Not a pleasant start to a holiday.
So, the romantic idea of looking for crabs in rock pools, and searching for fossils has been shelved. It’s not too windy to go on a bike ride (not me, the grandchildren and their dad) We have been to the pool. There is a lazy river that is anything but lazy. The water is swift, the older kids love it, and as they rush round – you feel like you are being chased by a horde of marauding crocodiles. Buckets of water fall on your head, and the water slides are full of screaming and laughing kids and adults alike.
But like most caravan parks the biggest draw in the evening is the entertainment. Bingo, singing, quiz shows, kiddies discos, the bar, the shop selling flashing toys that don’t last the evening, singing, the bar, popcorn, the bar. You get the picture?
We are here for the duration. Its time away with family, with all our faults! I can’t make my grandaughters breakfast the way she likes it. The toaster has a mind of its own. The bedroom is so small you can’t swing a cat – let alone your trousers to put them on. The bedroom curtains let the light in, at stupid o’clock. Right in your face. And the cupboard in the bedroom has an internal light, activated by the door being closed. But because the doors are warped – that doesn’t happen. It’s on all night, the faint light creeping around the room and shining in your face, on the other side to the light from the curtains- you get the picture? It only did that for the first night……
We are off to a talent contest today. My grandsons talent – annoying each and everyone of us. Oh, and breakdancing! Look out MC Hammer – someone is after your crown!!!
It’s been a busy week they say. I get home late, its an early start. A long walk, from home to park, and back. From car to garage and desk, and house, and flat. From desk to garage to car to home.
It’s been a busy week they say. They get home late, it’s an early start. A long walk, from home to park, and back. From door, to chair, to stair and water and snacks. From snacks and water and stair to chair and door.
So at the end of a busy week, we rest – together my son, my dad and I.
Pick the time you travel on a bus carefully. Not too early, not too late.
Too early – you catch the school children on the way to school.
Too late – you catch the school children on the way from school.
Things haven’t been going well. I haven’t had the energy or motivation to write. A great loss in my life, selling a much loved property and to top it off – my beloved husband falling ill.
Both my parents in law passed away within 2 years of each other. We had to sell their home of many years, and the harsh reality of clearing their possessions.
Then my hubby fell ill. It wasn’t to do with the loss, although he hasn’t had time to grieve with everything going on. It was totally unrelated, something physical which has got worse and worse over the months. He is in pain most of the time. But it’s not just that – the pain medication has changed him. He needs an operation and then another.
My usually stoic husband is reliant on me for so many things. He tries but it hurts so much. He broke down in tears this week at the enormity of the problem, and the things he might miss while he is in this state of limbo.
He will get better after the operations.
January 2024 – just realised I’d written this last year & had never published it! It’s never too late to publish work you have written.
I’m going to update this as it’s almost 5 months since this was written. The operation happened – on one hand, it was a success – it solved some of the problem. On the other hand, it was a disaster. Due to an addition problem caused by some incorrect leg dressing, the problem has excallated – not just 2 or 3 fold but exponentially! His mobility has decreased now that he has to use a stick, and he has a scooter!
Life has been harder than I have ever known. We have become isolated, living day to day for medical appointments. I feel overwhelmed with grief on a regular basis. The loss of my husband as I know him. The loss of our anticipated lives once I’d stopped working. And the disappointment of not being able to achieve a long held goal of moving to a place by the sea.
Each day, each week we hope things will improve. It’s a rollercoaster of emotion for us both.
Yes we are away again. No I don’t spend my entire life on holiday. I wish!!!
There are lots of ways here to unwind, spa, swimming, coffee outlets. Sports and a pottery studio.
We can’t do the usual Badminton and table tennis tournament this year. We always do a piece of pottery in a studio. There is a wide of ready made pottery, ‘all’ you have to do is paint it!!
Hubby has a good eye for detail, he does the DIY at home. His painting is great, he is very pedantic it’s done right.
It was great. It will have pride of place in the bathroom with a Blue Agave cactus in it!!
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